Perfect
by cigarettesandlatte
Summary: The past was so perfect, so should our future have been.


Wow it has been a long while since I last posted something.. one year actually.. oh wow writing this was intimidating because I haven't written fan-fictions for a long long while now; and I would have loved to write the new chapter for "Close up the Hole in my Vein", but thought that would be too soon for me, since I'm out of training.. ehm this is a very daring piece for me, but I hope you'll like it! Missed you.

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Our future was never suppose to be this difficult, this hard, this exhausting, this breaking.. especially when I think back about how innocent and beautiful it actually was.

The embarrassing yet endearing confession in the library one late afternoon where we could have been caught by our teachers or other random students walking by. Our awkward yet lustful first kiss we shared in a seventeen year old boy's manga-stashed bedroom.

The way that he asked me so sweetly and almost in a shy way if "can I?", because it was so daring and dangerous and Masamune's mom or dad could have walked in at any point, we would be caught and wounded but that didn't happen, because he could, and he did and I would let him do it all over again if he asked that same way with that same confused and loving look in his eyes.

Takano Masamune wasn't nearly as strong and bossy a person when we were young but he is today; he was a teenager, just like me. Maybe not as clumsy and free-spirited as me, but just as awkward, nervous and curious as every other teenage boy, but now he is a strong-willed person that will do everything in his right to get me back and even though it doesn't show I do appreciate that face and those feelings, but right now staring at his harsh face with that perfect bone structure that made me fall in love with him at first-sight in that flower petal covered library, even though there was a tad more puppy-fat on those cheeks back in the days, I get nostalgic and sad thinking about what we could have had in all those years, if we, no if I hadn't screwed up.

I wonder if those dark hazel eyes would have greeted me good morning in our college days, where we would have shared a studio apartment, because we wanted privacy and not share our walls with noisy students in a college dorm-room hallway and I would kiss him good morning even though I would hate his cigarette scented morning breath, but it wouldn't even matter because of the softness and tenderness of his lips, and then enjoy a breakfast on bed.

I would have loved and enjoyed those drunk nights on a college bar down town where we would do shots round after round, challenging each other and having a naughty bet for when we got home; and then one of us would have dragged the other home, both swaying down the streets singing songs and greeting the people we would meet and laugh at their faces and then we would drunkly cuddle up each other in our safe warm bed.

I would definitely not mind that there would be the hot, erotic yet soothingly and comforting sex that would either make me purr like a kitten or bite into the pillow almost screaming. It doesn't really matter soft or hard, because as long as it's Masamune I would know what I would be in for and I know I would love it, and we wouldn't care about the old and weird couple next door who's wash-drier would bang against our kitchen wall nor would we think about the subway train that would rattle every inch of our apartment when it would be passing by, because the only thing that would be moving in that world would be our bodies colliding with each other and my head trashing around in ecstasy and the only sound you could hear in our world was Masamune's sweet raspy moans and breathy thankful words in my ear and my own breath-taking thankful moans that would be the only noise I would be able to control.

Later I would become a famous literature editor and Masamune would go on selling thousand of manga copies; and life would just be perfect. Our fine house with probably two cats and a dog and maybe, just maybe; an adopted daughter or son and then life would be perfect..

_Perfect_..

just like it was, and always was meant to be.

Staring at my note pad I notice tears that are blurring the ink, and my eyes starts to tear up even more up from the sadness in my thought. I'm just staring sadly at Masamune who's editing Sankura-Sensei's newest drafts; looking at that beautiful face, those harsh lines, serious eyes and perfectly black hair, which has such a thickness that begs me to grasp my fingers around, during mine and Masamune's hot encounters. Why must it be like this and why can't I stop myself from saying no?

I get thoughts and hopes of Masamune seeing me like this, staring at him all teary-eyed, and I am hoping that he'll take me by the hand and drag me out of the office because.. "_please notice me like you did in that library, please.._"

.. and then he does and I'm is lead out by a strong firm hand, out of the office and away from all the stress and Masamune's voice is ringing softly in my ears because I just can't get a grasp of things, and I'm still lost in my little head, with my small, sad and yet longing daze of dreams.

Hazel eyes just looks at me with confusion and sadness and I lean into his broad and comfortable chest and I sigh wistfully, sad and yearning too us both..

.. "our world used to be so perfect; we were meant to be so perfect"..

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I need to get my mojo back!


End file.
